Safety

ideally

Listen: No Confusion by Ezra Collective ft. Kojey Radical

At this point in Jan, most artists haven’t ramped up to releasing new music yet (except for Drake I mean Popcaan). So it is my distinct pleasure to surface a release from November ’22 by the British jazz quintet Ezra Collective. “No Confusion,” in keeping with the album whence it hails, circles around afrobeat, hip hop, and soul, with new-year-energy lyrics about personal agency (“I don’t want no confusion / Got my own drive make I go move it (Vroom) / You don’t wanna see a man lose it / Been me, still me, been proven”). Take that, November.

It drives itself, folks!

I’m pressing my fingers together in front of my face Mister-Burns-style as I announce that we have once again reached the special time of year that is CES. That’s the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, where well-intentioned if myopic engineers come together annually to one-up each other on innovation.

The one time I went was the last year the show allowed booth babes, which means I missed the more recent experience of watching a vibrator win top marks until the judges realized it was for women’s pleasure and rescinded the honor.

Each year is a revelation in one way or another, and 2023 has already brought us a gem in the form of the self-driving stroller — what could go wrong. The “hands-free, AI buggy… automatically brakes, warns of danger and can pilot itself while empty,” reads coverage from The Guardian, which assures us that the software will only let the occupied stroller move if it’s held by a human hand. Did we mention this labor-saving device has got a motor like an e-bike for going uphill? Please bow your heads in prayer.

Don’t ask the city for help

You’d think we would have learned our self-driving lesson from cars, which also aren’t that great when piloted by people. Traffic deaths are way up in recent years, and cities who ostensibly care are way behind on doing anything about it — which is why people around the country are taking it upon themselves to paint guerilla crosswalks in the dead of night.

In Seattle, residents have been painting crosswalks in places where the DOT is stalling on planned installation. You’d think the city might say, “hey, thanks,” and move on, but instead, they’ve swiftly dispatched troops to erase the volunteer labor. Funny which things get done with urgency.

Pick up your energy $

Whether you’re going civic-nocturnal or white-knuckle clutching your stroller, you may need a little boost, and a brand called Super Speciosa is offering it in the form of kratom. This relative of the coffee plant, used for centuries as an energy enhancer in Southeast Asia, is now picking up traction in the West with strains that promote increased energy (green), focus (white), and relaxation (red). Super Speciosa’s powders, capsules, tablets and teas contain 100% pure kratom leaf, each batch lab-tested for quality and safety. Interested? Get 20% off any order with the code “loremipsum” — or try it free with this offer.

But are you peppy enough to teabag.

Margot

$ = sponsored