Listen: Moonwalk by CupcakKe
Be warned: the new CupcakKe song is absolutely filthy and completely fantastic. It’s about 60% fallatio, 30% beat, and 10% Michael Jackson references, which I think is an obviously winning combination. Jump in at your own risk, by which I mean, at full tilt on your home speakers.
Oat cheese, anyone?
I can’t decide whether I’m over the alt-dairy discourse or whether I can’t get enough. Today I’m on the latter side of that fence thanks to oat cheese, a new canola-thickened substance brought to you by Oatly. As the company stacks the supposed cream cheese replacement onto grocery shelves, they’re also giving it a disclaimer: “If there is anything negative [about the product], maybe it’s the flavor. Or rather, the lack of flavor.” This strikes me as rather a large miss. Do we come to cheese for its health profile, or perhaps its carbon footprint? (You know the answer to this.) Oat milk can do whatever it wants, but blank-slate “cheese” feels like a regression toward Tofurkey. Make it good!
Oat Cheese The Least Of Your Worries
Knock the oat all you want; human milk seems to have a bigger problem. According to a new report, all the microplastics we take in through our shampoo and food and whatever are working their way into breast milk. From the journal, Environmental Science & Technology: “U.S. Scientists Detect Toxic PFAS ‘Forever Chemicals’ In 100% Breast Milk Samples” — at nearly 2,000 times the level considered safe in drinking water. The hubbub around phthalates isn’t new (recall the mac and cheese story— it lowers your sperm count, maybe!), but it does seem like we’re gradually discovering the extent to which we have fucked ourselves with plastic. Watch this space.
Over to cars
We get it; we’re a danger to ourselves. But maybe that’s fixable? One tiny example: SUVs in New York may soon come with consumer warnings because they’re so dangerous to everyone around them. Large vehicles were behind the deaths of almost all 29 of the cyclists killed on NYC roads in 2019, according to the new Senate Bill S4307, which, if it passed, would create a state database ranking every car’s safety “based on the rate and severity of collisions and injuries reported involving bicyclists and pedestrians for each model, compared to the total number of registrations in the state.” Unclear if a warning will dissuade anyone from buying a Highlander, but there’s one way to find out.